Of course “normalcy” is relative–the fact remains that our order’s leader is a shepherd mix, incapable of human speech. His “speaker”, M. Reyes mysteriously vanished immediately upon Spangle’s daring rescue from a Florida keys Guardians of the Orb prison/resort compound. Accusations of involvement in a secret “Shadow Padlock” sub-sect within plague the administration and have resulted in lively debate around the office.

With Reyes missing, an emergency council of High Keys unanimously voted to appoint  the Lock’s previous leader (known only as “LEADERSHIP”) as the new Speaker of the Dog. Old LEADERSHIP was pivotal in Spangles’ rescue and the two have been inseparable ever since. However, LEADERSHIP was previously deposed from his position for being an indecipherable kook; his regular missives were mired by zodiac mumbo-jumbo and bizarre product endorsements. If LEADERSHIP should take another seat of power, certain checks and balances should be enforced.

Thus the High Key emergency council elected to place a “Speaker of the Speaker”, “Hand of the Mouth”, or “Second Speaker” (name still yet to be determined) to oversee and interpret Old LEADERSHIP with a planet-wide candidate search to commence immediately.

Unfortunately, the Grand Lock Budget Council issued a memo stating that since this new position had not been requested before the start of the new fiscal year, the position funding would need to be re-appropriated from another vacant Grand Lock position. And since the highest paying vacant position was for a Grand Lock archives gift shop attendant, the Council was forced to narrow their search for Second Speaker to local community colleges and trade schools. After a busy week of interviews, an applicant was selected.

We at the Grand Lock Locksmith Newsletter are pleased to welcome Locksmith H. Lindsey as the first ever person in whatever it is that the position will eventually be called. Lindsey is a second year Speech Pathology major and 2nd chair cello in the Delaware County Community Orchestra. Her peer references describe as “very nice” and “smart.” With Locksmith H. Lindsey behind the person behind the dog at the helm, we’re confident that the light of wisdom shall shine like a prism upon this order.

The first formal appearance of the new Speaker of the Dog and the Speaker for the Speaker of the Dog is expected to occur in early May for the State of the Grand Lock Union address, held in the secret castle beneath the skating rink in Van Nuys, CA. It’s an historic time to be a Grand Lock and we, the newsletter staff welcome this bold new era of multiple people and animals all talking all at once.