Updated Privacy Policy

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As a Member of The Order of the Grand Lock, we want you to know that we are committed to protecting Your privacy and data.1 As of May 25th, 20182 , we have updated our Privacy Policy.3 This has been done to comply with the General Data Protection Regulation (GDPR)4 , passed by the European Union.5  We believe all of our Members should have control over their personal information.6 

The most significant changes to our Privacy Policy7 fall under the following categories:

  • Transparency: We’ve provided additional details about the information we collect and how we use that information8 .
  • Control: We’ve also explained your choices9 and the control you have10 over your information. More specifically, the European Union’s General Data Protection Regulation (GDPR) gives individuals in the EU more control over how their data is used11 .

If you are receiving this email, you are currently subscribed to our marketing newsletter. If you no longer wish to receive these emails, you can unsubscribe at any point.12 

Please contact us at key@thegrandlock.com if you have any questions!

Thank you for your attention. Now let’s keep that data secure13 !
1 And by “protecting” we mean “protecting for our personal use.” You have no idea how much personal information we have on you just from your Grand Luck induction forms, let alone your First Meeting Biography Sessions. Thank you for all that free, valuable data!
2 You don’t need us to remind you that Locks celebrate Actual New Years’ on January 13th, hence the slight confusion with dates here.

3 Ordinarilly we would want to “attach” our extensive Privacy Policy here, but our Internet Guys have told us that doing so would make this electronic mail impossible to send because “the file is too big,” whatever that means. They then elaborated that a 15MB plain text was “actually kind of impressive” but we think they were just trying to save their jobs after refusing to send our file.
4 In truth, GDPR stands for “Gradual Data Pile-Up Requirement. Like, just as an example, did you know that through one of our most recent projects, Genius, we learn not only what shopping patterns you have associated with music, but cool things like how many times Canadian Locksmith J. Bieber says “sorry” in his song, “Sorry.” 
5 Shadow Parliament.
6 Within reason. We believe that you should have the ability to maintain your personal information and keep it as up-to-date as possible. Then you should have the ability to hand it off to us to file away and protect on your behalf. We will never sell this to advertisers. Instead, we will use it for our own personal gain directly and steer you towards the products that we want you to buy. If you find this type of behavior offensive, allow us to quote a popular song and say to you: “Sorry.”
7 Take our word for it.
8 This, we are told, is where we went wrong. Apparently we use your information in so many diverse ways that needed to be outlined within this document (our favorite way in which we exploit your personal data?  In the Grand Lock Data Mines, every Friday after lunch we do a Moth-style reading of the most embarrassing detail we’ve learned about a Member that has accepted our Privacy Policy. It’s entertaining, and it improves morale.).
9 None.
10 Forget about it.
11 Not bloody likely.
12 While it is absolutely possible to unsubscribe from this newsletter, the previous link linked to footnote #9. Take the hint.
13 Securely within our command!14 
14 Is it too late to say sorry we’re sorry now?

From Volume 872 Issue 27 – Subscribe here, members, to be the first to get the next newsletter!

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