by Pick W. Hargreave (No. 48324)

If one searches the (non-Order) internet or visits their local (non-Order) library to discover origins of Valentine’s Day, they will find the results are murky. Did it begin with martyred Catholic saints? A jailed man who fell in love with the jailer’s daughter? A pagan holiday marking the beginning of the spring bird mating season? This myriad of misdirects give a variety of groups a sense of ownership over this holiday, when in fact, the true origin lies with The Order, specifically, Barron R. Sherrod.

Barron Sherrod and her uninitiated husband resided in an undisclosed European metropolis in the mid-18th century. According to The Order’s historians, the couple’s printing press business was flailing, most likely due to Sherrod’s husband’s egregious errors as he set the type for one of the era’s hottest best-sellers: The Bible. Jesus turned water into “whine,” “razed” Lazarus from the dead, and “heeled” all manner of lepers. Her husband’s homophone mixups painted a less-than-flattering portrait of the religion’s chief figure and lead to vigorous debate in local religious circles about the Christ’s intentions during his miracles. It also costs the family boatloads of business, and after the Christmas season one year, their finances were dire.

It was during a Tuesday evening at her local lodge during one of the earliest recorded potato potlucks that Sherrod was inspired by the handwritten invitation she had received. With everyone at the lodge using the same blank paper, she was unable to discern if this was an invitation from the High Key themselves, or if she was walking into a trap set by the Pope. If she were to print her own custom stationery for individuals, she’d have a guarantee on repeat customers.

She delivered a sample of custom stationery to several members on February 14th. Unfortunately for her custom stationery business, the paper was instead mistaken for personalized cards (due to an unfortunate landscape paper alignment). Fortunately for her bank account (a hidden sack of farthings), she inadvertently initiated a yearly tradition for the Grand Lock. A few years later, she slapped an obscure saint’s name on the day, and the rest was, as they say, a profitable exploitation of mankind’s biological urge to procreate.

From Volume 871 Issue 13 – Subscribe here, members, to be the first to get the next newsletter!