Order has again returned to our fraternal lodge; Leader Spangles, once presumed drowned (or something) has returned to his rightful spot atop the Grand Lock Palatial Monolith. The effects of his soothing, panting presence on the marketplace cannot be overstated–the Metric Tumble Exchange (a note to newer members: this the secret economy that controls the […]
How are you? (I can’t hear you if you respond); I’m going to allow our News Bites to update you on the goings on within the Order. Instead let me update you on my personal life. LOCKSMITH-LEVEL PERSONAL UPDATE: I am fine. Have a lovely week. In Fellowship, High Key (No.00103) From Volume 872 Issue […]
NO! Secrets are Cool and Good. By Key P. Fotopoulis-Clark, Civil Servant Three weeks ago, we Grand Locks had no idea there might be another, deeper, more secret organization hidden in our secret organization. We didn’t know a lot of things–and are we any better now? Well–are we? Because let me tell you something–I’m not! My […]
Salutations, If it’s not one thing, it’s another. This simplistic, reductive phrase is both irritating and reflective of the current state of The Order. Our precious Leadership, Spangles, has returned. Unfortunately his return has brought with it a debate to our ranks. The Shadow Padlocks, the secret splinter group responsible for Spangles’ abduction, has divided […]
Hello. My name is Tumbler M.L. Malvenie Jr., host of the reality shows The Vocal Cords, The Great American Mate-Off, and The Let’s Talk About the Great American Mate-Off After Show. Admittedly, I’m best known for my smile, my voice, and my ability to read from a teleprompter without making it look like I’m reading; not my writing. But […]
Hello All, Thankfully, things are returning to normal around these parts. Not only with the return of our Leadership Spangles, that’s been great, but also, my secretary of 20 years, Barron F. Honeybalm. She’s been out for the last week and a half for personal reasons, and a gentleman never asks, but she seems in […]
By Barron G. Saechow HAVANA, CUBA: The elected leader of the Order of the Grand Lock, Spangles was rescued late Saturday night from imprisonment in a Guardians of the Orb Florida Key RV court and secret prison compound. In a daring heist masterminded by previous Grand Lock leadership, “Old Leadership,” Spangles was blasted out of […]
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