In November 2017, the Order of the Grand Lock made history by electing, for the first time ever–a dog to fulfill the sacred duties of Grand Lock leadership. It has been exactly one year since Spangles took office; Grand Lock dignitaries and members of the press gathered Sunday night at the Secret Castle beneath the […]

Grand Lock dignitaries, high keys, and members of the press gathered Sunday night at the Secret Castle beneath the skating rink in Van Nuys for the annual State of the Grand Lock union. This was the first address and public appearance of the new Grand Lock leadership, composed of a democratically elected leader/dog Spangles, his […]

The Order of the Grand Lock newsroom received the following email early Monday morning from the email account of former Grand Lock “Leadership.” Email header analysis suggests that the message is credible–intended for a “Secret Old Leadership Listserve” and CC’d “springles@thegrandlock.com”–likely intended for our leader Spangles (instead of Josh Springles, our newsroom mail clerk). The […]

By Leadership (as interpreted by Locksmith M. Reyes, Spangles’ “Speaker of the Dog”) Good afternoon, Locks. We are approaching the one year anniversary of the ouster of the preceding Leadership which led to the campaign that (eventually) elected a little dog named Spangles (that’s me!) to the head of our beloved Order. Now, just as with […]

By Leadership (as interpreted by Locksmith M. Reyes, Spangles’ “Speaker of the Dog”) Good afternoon. As the new Leadership, let me begin with two key points: (1) it my pleasure to issue to you my first missive to you, the body of The Order of the Grand Lock, and (2) I am a good boy. Yes, […]

By Leadership Sun in Pisces presents a dangerous omen for those born in the wooden-years. If you bare your breast for the asp then bare both breasts. A shadow hangs over the doorstep of the second circle. Speak slowly in dealings with low-born. There are tiny people that live in the walls. Speaking not figuratively. […]

by Leadership The chalice of Versailles has shattered. Custodians of Yvelelines have been commanded; proper precautions have been taken. Look for three flashes in southern sky before proceeding. The dog races are cancelled. Do not be deceived by the dogs on the dog track. Our actors are cunning and swift. Bore witness to a new […]