By Leadership (as interpreted by Locksmith M. Reyes, Spangles’ “Speaker of the Dog”)

Good afternoon. As the new Leadership, let me begin with two key points: (1) it my pleasure to issue to you my first missive to you, the body of The Order of the Grand Lock, and (2) I am a good boy. Yes, I am.

Bones! Yummy!

Over the past few weeks, I, and my handler/owner, Locksmith M. Reyes have been cleaning and organizing the Leadership quarters “vacated” by our predecessor(s?). This has been no easy task. The relatively opulent chambers are filled with paraphernalia of the prior Administration which, quite frankly, no longer need to be commemorated. Additionally, we were surprised at the arcane levels of technology employed by former Leadership. The only communication device available within the room were a plethora of empty scrolls of paper, an early, non-networkable computer and a dot-matrix printer. Can you even use scrolls in one of those? Do they even still make printer ink ribbons?

I love chasing things!

In an effort to improve efficiency from the office of Leadership, I have created a list of- I don’t want to call them “demands,” but- Okay, fine. Demands.

1. Installation of a track for on-demand walkies for Leadership.
2.  A nice soft pillow for Leadership naps.
3. Gold-plated throne for the Speaker of the Dog at the top of a set of stairs (to best watch over and protect Leadership).
4. The stairs can be plated in any precious metal, so long as it is complementary to the gold throne.
5. Bacon.

I appreciate your help in making Leadership the most efficient Leadership The Order has seen. With these five requests we will ensure a bright future for our noble group, and the Grand Locks will see naught but success in the coming Sixth Age.

My favorite drink is water!

From Volume 871 Issue 53 – Subscribe here, members, to be the first to get the next newsletter!