Good afternoon or evening to you, Locks. Should you be reading this in the morning, please drink your coffee so you are at your most alert before continuing. We shall wait.

We take a break from Campaign Season to further our efforts to keep all Members of the Order of the Grand Lock alive for as long as possible. In addition to the Vitamin Tips below, provided by our good friend Tumbler B. Chesney, practice these good health tips:

• Visit a Lock-certified doctor/scientist at least once a season to get your annual tests, scrapings, and probes charted!
• Studies show that owning a pet may prolong your life by up to ten years. Imagine what buying a zoo could do!
• When you don’t use the Oxford comma, people get mad at you and may turn to murder. Use the Oxford comma!

Here’s to long life, in moderation!

From Volume 871 Issue 24 – Subscribe here, members, to be the first to get the next newsletter!