by Barron B. Hoffbeck (no. 12513)

Ye olde Grand Lock samurai had a saying of their katana blades: “a sword is forged through 10,000 cuts.” So too are the foundations of friendship and brotherhood built upon the myriad blocks of Grand Lock tradition. Even a cursory glance around Lodge 129 is enough to see tradition simply dripping down the walls–bird night, “the gesture,” atonal chanting, New Year’s whip-tricks showcase, Horse Day, true New Year’s whip-tricks showcase, pledge-week trash can punch social; the list goes on. Until last week I happily listed my weekly bridge game in this fine company–now however, I’m positing the question what if we can do better?

I, like most other respectable lodge members at my advanced age, tend to not overindulge in the syrup-spangled wastes of youthful gaiety. Laughter and its close cousin merriment are best left as cherries in an empty glass to reward the completion of a tidy Manhattan. Like anyone, I’ll enjoy a “Hi and Lois” with my morning paper and a sugar cube in a hot Irish Breakfast but I’ve always believed that “fun” should have a time and place. In my mind (until this very week) I believed that no version of fun could be more properly satisfying than a meeting of the minds around the Bridge table.

As I donned my green visor and clipped a fresh tablecloth onto the card table for the Lodge 129 weekly Bridge Game, the lodge telephone sounded a telltale ring-a-ding-a-ling. Locksmith P. Haggerty had forgotten her peach tart in the oven and let the smoke detector go off–her beagle Harry was beside herself with fear and wouldn’t leave the bathtub (just reglazed last month). Haggerty wouldn’t make it. The hour came and went and our third and fourth failed to show as well. I imagined Locksmith L. Pfenderson, perennially a sore loser, brooding still over an upset last week and simply flaking out. (Both defenders played low and she took the A-K of spades, ruffed the dummy’s last spade, and exited with a club to concede a rough slump! Caught in a classic popcorn!)

I began packing up, accepting the loss–a rhubarb pie without the strawberries–when I noticed Tumbler D. Abernath’s teenaged sons, Dylan and Don Jr. waiting for their father to complete his turn relining the lodge aviary.  They played a card game of their own–though the familiar Bicycle deck was replaced by brightly colored cards with illustrations and arcane scribblings. They invited me to sit and play and gentle reader–my lips still dry with the bitter absence of Bridge’s sweetness, something inside bid me to accept a go…at “YuGiOh.”

After a quick explanation of the admittedly esoteric rules, I was handed Don Jr’s “Mer-Male” deck and soon I was battling Dylan in his “Burning Abyss.” I confess that the cards do invite introspection. “Trap cards” (a kind of variation on the Bridge double-finesse) provide a fascinating risk/reward paradox. As I blundered into Dylan’s “Vanity’s Emptiness” trap, I not only re-examined my poor judgement of sending forth my “Dragon Ruler of Waterfalls” so haphazardly unto the breach but also some choices that led me to where I am today. My first marriage to Ted, my failed bead store. “Vanity’s emptiness” indeed.

Afternoon soon passed into evening and I now see that YuGiOh is the heir-apparent to Bridge, superior in almost every conceivable fashion. Don Jr lent me his “blue eyed white dragon” deck and I plan on introducing this wonderful game to the gals at next week’s bridge circle. Furthermore, the local library has several seasons of what I assume to be a documentary on YuGiOh strategy and I’m excited to crack into it.

If there’s a lesson here then perhaps tradition needs to be re-examined every so often. We’ve all lived through enough Horse Days to know what it can do to people. Maybe it’s time to have a Person Day for once. And another thing–who’s to say a dog can’t be Grand Lock Leadership? Maybe Spangles is the right candidate for the job. I don’t know. I just don’t know anymore.

Toodle-oo for now.

From Volume 871 Issue 30 – Subscribe here, members, to be the first to get the next newsletter!