- Self-Improvement Seminar – The Benton St. Temple in Rockford, IL will be running a free self-improvement seminar on June 23rd. It is free to any interested member with advance RSVP. Topics include: “Let’s Dish! Radical Ideas for Potato Pot Lucks,” “How a Bill Becomes a Law: For Real, Though,” and “The Power of Positive Thinking When Coupled with Blackmail.”
- Robe Resizing – If you live on the West Coast, June 29th is your Lodge’s designated Sacred Robe Resizing Day. All area tailors will be on hand to measure, cut, and resew any robe to fully conceal (or accentuate) The Grand Locks’ assorted beach bodies!
- Fireworks! The July 4th fireworks ceremony has been moved to July 6th in an effort to confuse/disappoint uninformed non-members. “I guess somebody had some leftover fireworks,” they’ll think. Then five minutes later, “Is this still going on? That’s a lot of fireworks.” Then finally, another five minutes on, it’ll strike them that they’re still hearing fireworks outside, stand up and go outside to see, just as we’ve finished. Don’t be like those rubes: join us!
From Volume 871 Issue 31 – Subscribe here, members, to be the first to get the next newsletter!
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