By Locksmith K. Kaylin (30155)

GUESS WHO’S BACK? That’s right–it’s Key Z.Z. Gabor f.k.a. “Princess Zsa Zsa” the Hungarian honeysuckle, unveiled Saturday night in her centenarian debutante grand actualization ball in the secret Grand Lock castle beneath the skating rink in Van Nuys. Gabor was a vision in chiffon in a strappy Von Furstenburg gown accented by a family of live stoats scampering through the fringe.  Barron R. Clooney was on hand to welcome Key Gabor in a lavish ceremony featuring performances by the Tijuana Brass; the two definitely-alive starlets are said to have been “personally responsible” for recent increases in tariffs on marine products exported from Vietnam to the US. It’s your world, Zsa Zsa baby!! Can I get a “Yas Queen?!”

GOING, GOING, GONE! Lodge 823 in Jersey City, NJ was proud to admit its newest member last week–2x MVP, California Angels super slugger Mike Trout’s cousin Brooke. Locksmith B. Trout, a paralegal and mother of 4, is said to “acknowledge baseball.” Let’s hope she can turn on that Trout power at the annual Locks v. Orbs softball game this September!!  Do I smell a hit??

BY THE WAY…why do they sing “Take Me Out to the Ballgame” when they’re already AT a ballgame? I DON’T GET IT!

Smoke ‘em if you got ‘em! MTV recently announced its nominations for the 33rd Annual MTV Video Music Awards and the Grand Lock is sitting pretty with nominations in “Best Collaboration” and “Best Editing.” You guessed it–the puppetmaster behind the bleepy-bloop pretty boys the Chainsmokers in none other than the Grand Lock song-writing 1940s computer, TUNIVAC. Technically, TUNIVAC is the laptop in front of the Chainsmokers but I think we ALL know who is the master and who is the slave. Baby hold me closer!!!

WRITE ON! Famous author and  British person Key J.K. Rowling is at it again, writing under nom de plume after nom de plume! (“Pen names,” if you’re nasty.) It began with The Casual Vacancy, written under the name Robert Galbraith, followed by The Girl on the Train as Paula Hawkins, and now she’s on the best-seller list again, but this time, with non-fiction, writing Astrophysics for People in a Hurry under her wackiest fake name yet, Neil deGrasse Tyson! Watch your stacks, because rumor has it her next work is set to be her biggest trick of all, as she attempts to write a “lost” book of the Bible as God!

CRACKING! Warner Bros. pictures has recently optioned a remake of the 1963 lockpicking classic, The Cracksman. I’m not sure if any Grand Lock members are involved but I like watching movies and I would probably watch this!!!

From Volume 871 Issue 39 – Subscribe here, members, to be the first to get the next newsletter!