Good afternoon or evening to you, Locks.

Thanks to an outstanding season of donations, revenue, and Fortune 500 company-ownership, The Order of the Grand Lock is experiencing an unprecedented surplus in liquid assets. In an effort to grow this money we have purchased a significant portion of Chinese debt, Belgian infrastructure, and Brazilian wax but we are looking for new ways to invest.

Do we start a streaming video network? Try to own the concept of food trucks? Start buying chunks of the moon? No idea is too stupid, excepting the ones we just mentioned. Email suggestions to key@thegrandlock.com.

As Winter approaches and Migration looms, let us check in on the latest in Pet Bird Fashions in another installment of “Bird Watch.”

In Fellowship,