| Hello. My name is Tumbler M.L. Malvenie Jr., host of the reality shows The Vocal Cords, The Great American Mate-Off, and The Let’s Talk About the Great American Mate-Off After Show. Admittedly, I’m best known for my smile, my voice, and my ability to read from a teleprompter without making it look like I’m reading; not my writing. But when I was asked to “host” this special edition of The Locksmith Newsletter as a tribute to our Leadership, Spangles, well, you know that after securing a reasonable five cent per word rate, I jumped at the chance.
I.
Jumped.
Late last November, when Spangles was elected after an intense Grand Lock Leadership campaign, there was a sense of excitement in the air at Grand Lock lodges across the country. There was a spirit of optimism and hope; the kind that only having a dog in charge of your centuries old organization can give. Through Locksmith M. Reyes, Spangles’ “Speaker of the Dog,” The Order once more had not just a voice, but a symbol. A leader we could believe in. A leader that seemed like a good boy. A leader that we wanted to smooch. For the first time in a very long time, the, if you’ll pardon the metaphor, “boat” that was our Order got it’s rudder back and the direction we were heading was, if you’ll pardon the pun, “rudderly” perfect.
 But then: tragedy struck in the form of a literal boat, which with hindsight means I should have selected a different metaphor, but I really love that pun, so it stays. Spangles was lost at sea. Conflicting reports arose, those we thought were enemies maybe weren’t, and mysterious voices from the past thought lost were found.
But today, let’s not get stuck in the past and instead focus on the recent past. In the week since Spangles’ return, our Leader Dog has made a speedy recovery, the only lingering sign of his traumatic separation, a small bald patch on the chest where he was shaved for minor (elective) surgery. But rest assured: it will grow back.
Each day for Spangles has brought with it a new reunion. It seems that an hour doesn’t go by without his doorway being darkened by the shadow of a well-wisher, or a coworker who’s just checking in and wants some kissies. Spangles, ever the strong and proud leader, is always eager to greet a friend; doubly so if they brought treats.
Sadly, one reunion that will have to wait is the one between Spangles and his owner, Locksmith M. Reyes. Shortly after news broke concerning Spangles’ rescue, Reyes was nowhere to be found. His current whereabouts are unknown, but there are whispers that he has been exposed as a member of the Shadow Padlocks, a secretive splinter cell of undetermined motive. Had Reyes’ insistence that Spangles was hard at work when a bevy of evidence seemed to indicate otherwise gone on for much longer, it is in the opinion of this professional host that several True Crime podcasts would have been launched, hosted by pushy journalists, insisting that they be given access to a dog that owed them nothing. (How about we leave it to the real media, folks?)
From the kennel to the campaign trail to the sea and home again, Spangles’ journey was one that was truly filled with moments. Surely this dog will have accumulated great wisdom on his journey that he will use in his position of Leadership. And while I have been expressly warned not to talk about who the new Speaker of the Dog will be, I have a feeling that there’s an excellent chance that our New Leadership might be given some Old tricks.
Potentially from the Old Leadership.
Spangles! Welcome home! |
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