By Tumbler B. Chesney [LEGAL DISCLAIMER: Tumbler Chesney is the oldest living member of the Grand Lock and a lifelong vitamin enthusiast–though not necessarily a certified medical professional. We present this column as an invitation to a journey of wellness, not as medical advice.] Immortality is at hand! Though my family and friends and schoolyard […]
Yes, Locks! Hello! I am very pleased to inform you that the antique bird perch of Lodge 45 in Roxanna, New Jersey that I spoke of last week, has been returned. It had been removed for cleaning by the Maintenance Locks without informing the High Key. The Maintenance team has been punished, and the antique […]
It is in the nature of our order to question everything. Established in 1852, it is in the nature of the Grand Lock Advisory Council to answer everything. You’ve got questions, we have the authority to invent answers. I am finding myself addicted to the Grand Lock-themed mobile game “Potato Mash.” I’m not usually a […]
Welcome Locks, They say you catch more flies with honey than vinegar. So, let’s try it this way first. If you stole the antique bird perch from Lodge 45 in Roxanna, New Jersey, please return it. Thank you. 🙂 Should this honey not do the trick, I will let loose the vinegar. The vinegar will take […]
For as long as The Order has been taking large chunks of land and dividing it up into smaller chunks, it has also been giving those smaller chunks cute pet names to reflect their personalities. No doubt you are familiar with your own state’s moniker, but now when you hear references to “The Condiment State” […]
Welcome Locks, Did you know that the average lifespan of a hummingbird is four years? Maybe you didn’t, but in Connecticut, that’s the kind of thing they won’t shut up about. We are a diverse Order, with members to be found in every corner, with interests in nearly every type of bird. Today we zoom in […]
by Barron B. Hoffbeck (no. 12513) There’s an old Irish expression that goes “the older the fiddle, the sweeter the tune.” Dear reader, this columnist is hardly a Stradivarius but I’ve seen enough Eden Prairie winters to know the that the most beautiful music of all is truthfulness. How true it is as Lord Byron […]
Locks. Hello. A quick word about the Grand Lock Logo Redesign Contest: it does not exist. So, if you read a social media post on “LockerRoom,” please know that you have been the victim of a cruel prank. The beloved Lock and Beams logo has been in place for hundreds of years, possibly even more […]
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