I am finding myself addicted to the Grand Lock-themed mobile game “Potato Mash.” I’m not usually a video game person, but I’m finding it hard to even fall asleep some nights, because I’m altering my schedule to align with the game’s timed activities? What do I do?
Tapped In in [REDACTED]

It is rare that the Advisory Council is put in the position of not only administering advice to a patron writing in, but also a solution. After some consulting in our Washington D.C. headquarters, and some searching on the Internet, we have determined that “Potato Mash” is not a Lock-sanctioned game. This game, made by BankholidayGames LLC, is infringing on our intellectual property and the Committee of Preemptive Consequences: Reactive Division has been notified.

The game, as well as the makers of said game, will be destroyed shortly. Enjoy your new lease on life, Tapped In.

My niece is lucky enough to be marrying a High Key in November. We couldn’t be more excited for her, but we’ve heard rumblings from our non-Lock friends that without the context of The Order, they find the union “weird” and “incomprehensible why she would marry that old man.” What do we say to them to help them understand without saying too much?
Elated for the Elderly in [REDACTED]

Well, Elated, this is a tricky subject. You know that there is no greater honor than to partner oneself with one of the highest ranks in our Order, no matter the age difference. The balls she will attend! The ceremonial gowns she’ll wear! The secrets she’ll be privy to over a casual dinner alone with her love! We all wish we could marry a High Key.

Tell them he’s very, very rich. It’s not only an honest answer, it will end the conversation immediately!

My children are aware of The Order, having attended Horse Days and Great Alphabetizing Ceremonies for all their lives. However, they have recently started asking about elements of our work that they are too young to concern themselves with, such as Shadow Presidents and how finances work here in Canada. How do I address these gently?
Protective Padre in [REDACTED]

Firstly, congratulations on raising such inquisitive minds. We need to ensure that the next generation can be observant, can ask the right questions, and can lead us forward in the right direction.

That said, there is such a thing as being too inquisitive. Being too observant, asking the wrong questions, or leading siblings astray can be dangerous. May we suggest a distraction of some kind? The Order of the Grand Lock has very recently acquired some very exciting source code, which means that your little Locks’ phones can soon be loaded with an engaging, and all-consuming smartphone game. Look for it soon, and just watch those questions disappear!

Have a question for the Advisory Council? Make sure it’s a worthy one! Just email advice@thegrandlock.com, then signal twice at dawn with your lapel pin or amulet.