My name is Redford M. Cherbour, the former Loon Master² of The Venerable Brotherhood of the All-Seeing Loon. As you saw in last week’s edition of the Locksmith Newsletter, my secret fraternal organization has been absorbed by your lovely secret organization, and I couldn’t be more excited by this merger. There is little doubt in my mind that together we will achieve so much more!

Included alongside the announcement of our absorption was a list of embarrassing facts from our group’s history. I have been informed that I am allowed to tell you about a few positive moments from The Loon’s long legacy, but I must include a counterpoint explaining why each of these positive qualities really aren’t all that great.³ 

For example, did you know that The Loons invented penicillin? Sir John Scott Burdon-Sanderson was one of our first Loons and among the first to observe the healing effects of mold! Pretty cool!

However, I have recently learned that some might say that The Loon’s failure to capitalize on this discovery was a foolish move. Rather than use the discovery of penicillin as a revenue stream, The Loons simply allowed Burdon-Sanderson to lecture on these benefits. Whoops!

Alexander Graham Bell was a Loon shortly after he and his family moved to Canada. His invention of the telephone was revolutionary and easily one of the most important inventions of the last 500 years.

On the other hand, if Canada is so great, why did he found the AmericanTelephone and Telegraph Company?

Wayne Gretzky! The Great One! He has achieved the rank of Gavia Magnum within our organization and is one of the most famous sports figures in the world! His work on the ice and off will only serve as a credit to The Locks as he continues his work under your banner.

However, his 1993 Game 5 against the Canadiens was an incredibly poor showing, with second-rate players like Muller and DiPietro making a mockery of Gretzky. Some might argue, not me, but other people, that his nickname should be “The Fine One.”⁴ 

So, there you have it, fellow Locks. I am honored to share these triumphs and tragedies because, we now both share them as an Organization. I was initially disappointed that I would have to step down from my past as The Loon’s most prominent member and begin as a Junior Locksmith⁵  within the Locks, but it was explained to me that starting at the bottom is the easiest way to truly learn and absorb the rich history of The Order.⁶ . I’m beginning to make peace with it as we Loons begin folding in our unique flavour⁷ into the vast dough that is The Order of the Grand Lock!

So allow me to say to my new friends, one final time, heads upwards, wings outstretched!

But also, I must also say, that is a silly sentiment for a grown man to say aloud and that I am actually happy and not at all saddened that I will never get to say our salutation again.

In Lockitude⁸ ,
R. Cherbour, Junior Locksmith