Leadership Election Day is here at last and Grand Locks everywhere are heading to their home lodges to complete the Election Day process. First they must climb the voting ladders (oak, because the year ends in a prime number) and deposit their voting marbles into the voting chutes of their candidates of choice. These marbles are then collected in former sherry casks and transported via truck to regional voting offices where the marbles and barrels are carefully weighed by High Keys.

It’s not a graceful process but by gum, it’s a heavy one and it too bears the weight of centuries of tradition.

The election of course is for “Leadership”–an executive position either above or adjacent to the “High Key” (the two versions of Grand Lock bylaws dispute this power structure though confusingly each is considered canonical). Previous Grand Lock “Leadership” (hitherto referred to as “Old Leadership”–his name was stricken from records in 1959) stepped down in April though anonymous sources claim it may not have been altogether consensual. His communication style tended towards the esoteric–often compiled as a list of “Weals and Woes”–a sort of Farmer’s Almanac mixed with horoscope and a dash of product placement. 

Results for this election should be available in a week’s time. This tabulation process is a process as laborious as it is arcane: each marble must be examined and rolled into a master chute. Write-in votes can be written in marker on marbles and thus close examination is paramount. Controversially, the marble-less casks too are given a vote as they’re trucked atop a large hill and rolled down a slope, eventually landing into a “decision pit” representative of each candidate. Granted, it is an unusual practice but the Grand Locks have a long standing reverence for the cooper profession. Quoth the first Grand Lock shadow president, Samuel Cotesworth Spaight, “What is a lock without a barrel?” (Additional context is probably required for new readers)

This newsletter will provide as up-to-date election coverage that is possible to provide in a weekly periodical. Check back here next Tuesday for election results and the name of our new Leadership! We are on the precipice of lodge history!