By Locksmith K.E. McSalvewin, Reporter for hotel staple, Lock News Today

Horse Day 2018 has come and gone, as you already know, because everyone in our Illustrious Order was present without exception. You obviously do not require any kind of recap or run-down of the day’s events or the activities that transpired because you wouldn’t be reading this if you hadn’t attended. Forcing you to read about these pastimes that you’ve already experienced would be as much a waste of your time as mine and would be seen, simply, as “horsin’ around.”

But, if you aren’t a member of Lodge 8702d in Woonsocket, Rhode Island, you may not know the behind the scenes story of Pick J. Glasschild, The Horse Day Hero who has electrified the local Lock media of The Surrounded State and “ponied up” a successful day for all.

Imagine being the 2018 Horse Queen of your lodge. You wake up early (assuming you were able to sleep with your body producing that much adrenaline), you put on the ceremonial gown and gloves, and you make your way to the temporary fencing erected around your state’s Horse Day Glen. When Ms. Glasschild arrived to represent her Lodge before dawn, she was understandably “champing at the bit.”

“I was so excited,” J. Glasschild said, in an interview conducted via video chat. “It’s every little girl’s dream to be Horse Queen and, well, I’m not so little anymore, but that didn’t make it any less special!”

But when she arrived, her Horse Day dreams became nightmares, when she found that all the mares left in the night.

“You can’t have a Horse Day without the horses,” she said with a laugh. “And as Queen, when my ‘subjects’ arrive and find that their Horse Day is ruined, who do you think is going to bare the brunt of that anger?” At this, she made a smirky face and pointed a finger gun at herself on the video chat.

Luckily, thanks to some quick thinking, Glasschild did not find her severed head skewered on a pike following a Horse Day uprising. After locating the breach in the fence, she was able to become a sort of “Sherlock Horse” and follow the hoofprints up a hill where she discovered scads of the large quadrupeds making an all-you-can-eat buffet out of a local farmer’s cornfield. She claims it would have taken her hours to walk all of the horses back to the Glen by herself (our experts estimate it would actually take one person 2.8 days of continuous horse transferring) so, before the “mane event” could begin, she improvised.

“When everybody showed up at the Horse Day glen, I got on the [ceremonial] bullhorn and said, ‘Everybody pick up as much fencing as you can and follow me!’ And so we just moved the fence over to the cornfield and turned it into a Horse Day/corn on the cob celebration!”

The owner of the field was not a Lock, “which led to some confusion” Grasschild states, but he was reimbursed for the use of his land and the loss of his stalks and was shipped away to a nearby hotel/spa so he and his family would not be witness to any privileged Horse Day activities.

And so, thanks to some “spur” of the moment thinking, what could have easily been a Horse Day that was a “bit” “lame” was quickly “stable-ized.” “Neigh-sayers” might have put this Horse Day out to pasture, but Glasschild ensured that the Locks of Rhode Island were able to celebrate with “unbridled” enthusiasm into the night.

From Volume 872 Issue 38 – Subscribe here, members, to be the first to get the next newsletter!