Locksmith K. Delacroix The Order attracts those of all walks of life, be they wealthy, rich, prosperous, affluent, or those with a boilerplate level of money. But no matter how well-off one might be, there’s always one campaign claim that will always attract an audience: the promise of more money. While paying a person for […]
And so, for the first time in we literally don’t know how long, The Order of the Grand Lock is entering Campaign Season. Last week we introduced you to our first three candidates who are in the running to succeed the “retired” Leadership as the New Leadership of our Order. This week we conclude our […]
Key Esmeralda Fresca We in the Grand Lock have the tradition of abbreviating our members’ first names to a single letter to preserve privacy. Our next candidate won’t hope to obscure herself behind such abbreviation (and furthermore, she insists we don’t!). Esmeralda Fresca is an absolute superstar of the highest magnitude, singlehandedly redefining what “celebrity” […]
Hello Locks. As you are no doubt aware, our Sacred Order is going fine and nothing is wrong. We have ousted our failing Leadership in a definite not-coup, and we are all the better for it. In a sign of our organizational skills, and to signal (not that you needed it) that things are so […]
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE. To: All Order of the Grand Lock Controlled Press Outlets/Metropolitan Signal Lamps LEADERSHIP STEPS DOWN FROM GRAND LOCK OPERATIONS. After directing the multi-headed beast that is the Order for many decades, Leadership has stepped down as of 5PM GMT on Monday, April 9th. Though Leadership has steered our ship for literally […]
Hello, Locks. I, perhaps foolishly, believed that we had settled this whole mess that’s been playing out with Leadership. It would seem that I had that wrong. What will follow after my introductory letter is the press release that has just been dispatched to the proper outlets. I didn’t want to waste time by summarizing […]
Good afternoon to you, Brothers and Sisters of the Order. I hope that you all sucessfully avoided becoming someone’s fool this April 1st. Remember: those who join the Order of the Grand Lock must strive to stamp out foolishness within our ranks, and encourage it in those on the outside. Faxing black construction paper to […]
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