The Non-Locks have Black Friday, but any skinflint of a Grand Lock knows that the real discounts happen two weeks later on Off-White Friday. Initially named for the discounted item that sparked the first “buying frenzy” in the 1800s (off-white wedding dresses for non-virgins who wanted to be honest but also save face), Off-White Friday is the best day for the Members of our Order to save some scratch while spreading some cheer. Here’s a selection of some of our favorite deals available this Friday:

• Grand Lock had to buy a LOT of pork bellies to destabilize Guardians of the Orb Economic Sector 18 AKA Denmark’s economy (it’s a long story). Anyway, massively discounted pork belly available at your local Grand Lock butcher, or any Whole Foods! Makes a great gift, trust us!
• Visit the Official Grand Lock online store and use the offer code “offwhite” to receive 10% off the Horse Day 2017 Commemorative Coin set! Look back on all the memories with this handsome 29-piece set in a beautiful display box carved from genuine horse bone.
• 5% off all previously uncorked bottles of wine at Winston Wines and Spirits in Winston, GA!
• Staples really overdid it on the Back to School marble notebooks this year. On Friday, do us a favor and just come in and grab an armful. Thanks so much.
• New from those board game-loving Germans, try “Reihenfolge-Großen,” a Co-operative Play/Action Point/Hand Management/Variable Phase Order game inspired by our very Order (for 5-19 players)! Collect the meal discs before your teammates to activate the dice phase, then trade resources for command points before your opposing team can align their tiles to match the ghost player’s design! Easy to learn with the Reihenfolge-Großen Online Class! Available direct through the manufacturer: Folterspiele.
• Free toothbrushes at your Lock local dentist if you ask nicely!
• The Complete J.D. Salinger (So Far!): Collector’s Edition will be available for an amazing $49 at Locked Gifts and Books. Containing all of the “reclusive” author’s short stories and all 25 novels, including those that were never released to non-Locks. It also includes the author’s most recent, previously uncollected short story, serialized last year in The Daily Key!
• Exploding whiskey stones–cool prank/assassination implement. Dads love them.
• Black Friday will get you discount flatscreens, but Off-White Friday gets you discount home theaters! Take home a prefabricated theater from Mark’s Custom Rooms and for one day only receive free doorway installation, connecting your new room to your existing house! (Discount does not include room delivery fees.)
• NCIS season 14 on DVD! Out now! Not sure if it’s on sale anywhere, but we thought you’d like to know!

From Volume 871 Issue 53 – Subscribe here, members, to be the first to get the next newsletter!