Hello friends! This week we offer some bite-sized news morsels for you to enjoy. As I did the previous time we featured this column, I’m going to allow our feature section update you on the goings on within the Order and use this space to update you on my personal life. Of course, as always, […]
Hello Locks, I have been informed that we are presently living in “The Greatest Period in History for Fast Casual Dining,” “The Golden Age of Television,” and “The Most Likely Time to Die Due to Phone-Related Negligence.” We are going to focus on the second of those Time Demarkations today and discuss Television: often the […]
Welcome, Locks. Please stop paying for small items at the Lodge Equipment outpost with large bills. We have placed signage in ever Lodge and our cashiers give frequent verbal reminders, but apparently I need to be direct and have it as the opening line to an Order-Wide Electronic Mail. So, please. If you are buying […]
Hello Locks, We generally try not to do this, but as one gives a slight jingle to the Horse Day 2018 coffers and finds the accompanying jingle-jangle a little lacking, this week’s newsletter is devoted exclusively to a small amount of sponsored content. It is very brightly colored so it still feels “engaging” and “fun” and ideally […]
Greetings to Locks Near and Far, Did you leave a winter jacket at the Grand Forks, North Dakota Lodge 339? If so, is it possible you left 350 identical winter jackets there in large, sealed wardrobe-sized moving boxes? We’ve been trying to solve this mystery internally for the past two months but have come up […]
Salutations, With Horse Day 2018 fast approaching, a few reminders that will make this year’s experience a fun one for horse and human alike. If you have your own horse that you plan on engaging for Horse Day, lay claim now before he or she is swept up by another Lock! Get your socks together! Remember: unmatched […]
Hello Locks, No Lock scientist has ever been able to determine why exactly this is, but we as a group are somehow genetically predisposed to allergies in the springtime. We are a diverse group with a constantly changing roster, so some theorize that a diet that hinges so heavily on potatoes might activate a latent […]
Happy May, We are dangerously close to spring weather here, so allow me to quickly remind everyone that you may not wear your white ceremonial robes to Order functions until midway through the month. On the first of June we will be having our Potato and Barbecue Potluck, so please disregard that instruction; instead wear […]
How are you? (I can’t hear you if you respond); I’m going to allow our News Bites to update you on the goings on within the Order. Instead let me update you on my personal life. LOCKSMITH-LEVEL PERSONAL UPDATE: I am fine. Have a lovely week. In Fellowship, High Key (No.00103) From Volume 872 Issue […]
Salutations, If it’s not one thing, it’s another. This simplistic, reductive phrase is both irritating and reflective of the current state of The Order. Our precious Leadership, Spangles, has returned. Unfortunately his return has brought with it a debate to our ranks. The Shadow Padlocks, the secret splinter group responsible for Spangles’ abduction, has divided […]
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