Good afternoon or evening to you, Locks. Thanks to an outstanding season of donations, revenue, and Fortune 500 company-ownership, The Order of the Grand Lock is experiencing an unprecedented surplus in liquid assets. In an effort to grow this money we have purchased a significant portion of Chinese debt, Belgian infrastructure, and Brazilian wax but […]

Hello to all Locks, It’s hard to believe we are already in the double digit months! Before long we begin the Hallow-Thanksgiv-ristma-ukkah-ewyears-actualnewyea parade into February. In these, the final moments before the holidays begin flying at our faces like so many tennis balls, let us reflect on a special moment I like to call: No […]

Good Tuesday to You. Just the briefest of announcements before we dig into this week’s newsletter proper: With summer now over, officially, I have been asked to remind you that the outdoor Grand Lock pools found East of the Mason/Dixon at our Lodges will be closed for the season effective this Saturday. After that point, […]

Not just a good afternoon, but a great afternoon, Locks, As I write to you today from behind my desk, I see a brilliant vista ahead of us. In the distance, a golden mountain shines, the sun shimmering, lighting the way as if to say, “Come, Locks. Climb me.” It is truly a new day. […]

Hello, fellow members. I recognize the honor in being given this weekly space to address you, and it’s a duty that I try my hardest to live up to. I want this to be a space to address Universal Issues and to tackle the concerns of all Grand Locks. That said, my girlfriend says that […]

Good Afternoon Locks, As we enter September it is of course time for all of our sons and daughters in the Combination Locks Youth Program (CLYPs) to head back to school. As always, remind them of the following tenants of the CLYP program: Preparation – Be ready for everything they throw at you, whether it be […]

Good afternoon Locks, Because the emails have not ceased let me begin by addressing the subject line of last week’s Locksmith Newsletter. Ques. Why did last week’s subject line begin with “Subject Line?” Ans. Right. That was a copy and paste error, plain and simple. It was most assuredly not any of the following: A coded message An ironic […]

Hello to you, We hope that if you were able to see the eclipse yesterday that it found you in good health. We have scheduled the next one for America in April of 2024, which we hope you will find similarly pleasing, unless you happened to look at this one with your naked eyes. This […]

Good afternoon or evening to you, Locks. We hope that you continue to “beat” the heat as summer roils forward. Whether you’re enjoying a sunny beach in Milan or enjoying the Total Solar Eclipse our Order is providing to North America, make the waning days of summer ones to remember. A quick reminder regarding the […]

Hello Locks both Near and Far, Welcome to August! As we near Labor Day, please take this opportunity to wear your white suits as many times as possible. Remember: after Labor Day you can be excommunicated from The Order for the wearing of a white suit. How long before Labor Day are you allowed to […]