Hail fellow well met, With this issue of The Locksmith Newsletter we reach the 53rd and final edition of Volume 872. Even though Volume 873 looms very near and will be here one week from today, it is a good day for reflection. Our Leadership, Spangles, agrees with this sentiment and has spoken out to look back […]

Wake up, please, We hope you had a lovely Holiday Pot Luck at your individual lodge. Thank you to everyone who brought in their pet birds to add some good old fashioned irony to the occasion as we ate (some) turkey and (a lot of) potatoes. One question that often rears it’s head around this […]

Hello. Once a year it is decided by someone who outranks me that it is important to highlight the voices of the younger generation. The “Teen Beat Essay Competition” is designed for the Junior Locks among us to have the opportunity to make their voices heard. This year’s winner, J. Jeremy, wrote the least awful […]

Good afternoon to you All, In your Email Window where you write the Email Address, there’s a “To” section. I’ve got a handle on that. Below that there are a pair of acronyms that up until now have been useless gibberish to me. Well, today they are gibberish no longer, so I feel it is […]

Hello All Locks (And More!), There is an exciting announcement that is speeding your way at an alarming pace. You best prepare yourselves for it immediately as it is happening immediately after this message from myself that you are presently reading. Why waste any more of your time? Let’s get to the exciting announcement that […]

Friends, Have you ever had a dream? Perhaps one that seemed impossible? Too beautiful to hold? So wonderful- I just remembered the poem “Harlem” by Langston Hughes and I am completely ripping that off, but less eloquently. I’m going to get to it. The mashed potato bar and centerpiece I had wanted to bring you […]

Hello Locks of all Sorts, After the business of last year’s carving snafu, let me quickly bring to you the following Hallowe’en-related announcement: Do not carve any unflattering jack o’lanterns that depict Grand Lock officials. These pumpkins will immediately be smashed upon sight and the carver in question will be brought in for questioning and, […]

Hello Locks of all Sorts, I hope that this newsletter finds you well. Unfortunately, it delivers some very sad news that may upset you, so if you answered, “Yes, quite well,” to my earlier rhetorical statement, please prepare yourself for a potential change in this status. A brief reminder: if you commissioned a Horse Day […]

Good Day, Locks: It is now officially Autumn. Soon, the leaves will begin to change, Hallowe’en costumes will be selected, and pumpkin seeds will be roasted and immediately discarded. Should you decide to number Apple Picking amongst your Fall Activities, please remember to submit your Apple Picking Forms at least three weeks prior to your proposed Picking […]

Yes, Locks! Hello! I am very pleased to inform you that the antique bird perch of Lodge 45 in Roxanna, New Jersey that I spoke of last week, has been returned. It had been removed for cleaning by the Maintenance Locks without informing the High Key. The Maintenance team has been punished, and the antique […]